Have you ever been mistreated for being good at something, or just for being nice? Or have you ever been persecuted for your faith and love of God? A new study shows that when people are competing for something, they are more prone to even the playing field by cutting a nice person down, rather than trying to improve themselves. [1] This helps to explain the Bible verse,
Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted. (ESV, 2 Timothy 3:12)
This verse makes it very clear that if you try to live for God, you will be persecuted at times. So... what should you do when this happens to you?
Don’t Let a Persecutor Ruin
Your Character—or Steal Your Joy
Just as freshly fallen snow covers imperfections, love covers a multitude of sins. (I Peter 4:8, NIV)
Overlook minor offenses in love. We all make mistakes everyday. None of us is perfect. If you want people to love you despite your faults, extend the same courtesy to them. Just like freshly fallen snow covers up imperfections and creates a beautiful landscape, or makeup causes a woman to look more fair, let your love of others cover up the little personality faults they have.
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. (I Peter 4:8, NIV)
But what if someone is sinning against you in a way that just can’t be overlooked? What should you do then? That’s what the rest of this article is about.
Keep loving people. Don’t let an offense stop you from loving others—even enemies—or from being kind to them. If we all tried to get even or developed bitter attitudes when mistreated, think of what a miserable place the world would be!
Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. (NIV, I Peter 4:3)
"You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Do not even tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even Gentiles do the same? (NIV, Matthew 5:43-47)
Keep in mind that God will reward you. The above verses promise that if you return evil with blessing, you will inherit a blessing from God. In the Bible passage below, look for the word “reward.”
Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. Rejoice and celebrate, because great is your reward in heaven; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets before you. (NIV,Matthew 5:11-12)
Remember that God takes note of your suffering and will reward you for loving your enemies. This will provide solace and help you to get through a rough period of mistreatment. The apostles took these words of Jesus very seriously. After they were ordered to be flogged by the Jewish Sanhedrin for preaching about Jesus, this is how they reacted:
The apostles left the Sanhedrin, rejoicing that they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name. (NIV, Acts 5:41)
Avoid enemies whenever it is practical. Aside from greeting an enemy and going out of your way to be kind to him or her, avoid people who mistreat you if it is possible. When you can’t avoid it, be very careful what you say around them. As Jesus instructed us,
Don't give what is holy to dogs or toss your pearls before pigs, or they will trample them under their feet, turn, and tear you to pieces. (CSB, Matthew 7:6)
Why needlessly punish yourself? If possible, hang around people who treat you well instead.
Practice Redemptive Non-Resistance
Turn the other cheek. Jesus said,
It is not easy to turn the other cheek, but Jesus commanded it as a means of leading a persecutor to repentance.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles.” (NIV, Matthew 5:38-41)
When someone hurts you or takes something from you, one of the most effective ways to get to that person’s conscience is to offer that person more. But when you do it, do it kindly.
Notice also what Jesus did not say. You do not have to walk three miles, or give everything you own to the person who sues you for your shirt. The point is to make a point by your generosity. This is what we might call redemptive non-resistance.
Notice also that Jesus did not say, “Turn the other cheek over and over again.” Again, I think that the point here is to make a point. The idea is not to encourage more abuse; it is to use a daring, self-sacrificing act to bring an end to the abuse by arousing pangs of conscience in the other person.
Being slapped in the cheek is one thing. It stings, but it does not do much damage. But being seriously harmed in a way that might do permanent damage (fist-punched, for instance) is quite another thing. Also, even if someone is striking you with an open palm, enough force can be applied that it becomes a hit rather than a slap. There’s a difference. Jesus did not say that you are obliged to expose yourself again to that.
So, how many times should you turn the other cheek? Be a wise judge of how much you should sacrifice for the sake of the other person, and appeal to the Holy Spirit for guidance. If it becomes obvious that your non-resistance is just feeding the evil, I would advise you to try another means of bringing the oppression to an end.
You might be thinking, “Then why did Jesus say, ‘Do not resist an evil person?’ And what exactly did He mean by that?”
I think that we can definitely conclude from this passage that we should not fight back against a personal attack with “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.” If someone knocks out your tooth, do not try to knock out his tooth, too. In other words, do not take vengeance or try to be the judge, jury, and executor of justice.
Also, note that avoiding something is not resisting. Ducking a pot furiously thrown at you by an angry wife is not resisting.
But what about defending yourself non-violently, such as putting up your arm to block a fist-punch? Or trying to persuade the other person to stop? Is that kind of resistance OK? I believe so, and here’s why. I think we can tell from the context here, and from other examples in the life of Jesus, that He was instructing us to use a certain kind of non-resistance within a certain kind of context.
The kind of non-resistance Jesus was speaking of is redemptive non-resistance. It’s the kind that encourages the other person to repent.
The context Jesus was talking about is one-on-one relationships, when someone hurts you in a minor way or tries to unjustly take something from you legally. (It was legal, for instance, for a Roman soldier to demand that you carry his pack for a mile, or to sue someone.)
Here are some things that are outside of the context Jesus was speaking of:
Someone attacking an innocent person.
A rape attempt, murder attempt, or violent attack against you or someone else.
A kidnapping attempt.
A husband beating his wife.
A thief breaking into your home.
In each of the above instances, you have every right to resist the evil. If you can do it in a non-violent way, that is preferable.
Other exceptions are the following:
A policeman enforcing the law.
A soldier defending the women and children of his country.
This is made very clear by the following Bible verse:
“For the one in authority is God's servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for rulers do not bear the sword for no reason. They are God's servants, agents of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer. “ (NIV, Romans 13:4)
The goal behind not resisting a person who slaps you on the cheek is to cause that person to stop being evil. It is not to encourage the proliferation of evil. Exercise redemptive non-resistance in personal relationships, but do not exercise the kind of non-resistance that encourages evil to run wild and unchecked.
If you are not so sure that Jesus was talking only about redemptive non-resistance, perhaps what I am about to say next will persuade you.
How Jesus Handled a Slap in the Face
Expose injustice when attacked publicly. If someone attacks you in public out of jealousy, you can expose the injustice for everyone to see. Then the attacker looks bad, not you. For instance, consider how Jesus responded to a man who slapped him in the face:
When Jesus said this, one of the officials nearby slapped him in the face. “Is this the way you answer the high priest?” he demanded. “If I said something wrong,” Jesus replied, “testify as to what is wrong. But if I spoke the truth, why did you strike me?” (NIV, John 18:23)
Nip offenses in the bud, before they become a habit or have a chance to grow worse.
Nip offenses in the bud. Though the text does not record it, I’m sure Jesus turned the other cheek when that man did this. That man could have struck Jesus again. In this regard, Jesus practiced redemptive non-resistance. But notice that despite that, Jesus did protest. He spoke up for himself!
Following the above example of Jesus, the very first time someone mistreats you in a way that you do not want to live with, try to nip it in the bud with a protest, before it becomes a habit or gets worse. Immediately let that person know they have crossed a boundary line.
Mind you, do not strike back. Just point out the injustice and how the action made you feel. Though we are commanded to turn the other cheek when an enemy slaps us, that does not mean we cannot protest, "Ouch! That hurt! Why did you do that?" as Jesus demonstrated for us here.
Once, when I was a young man working at a print shop, my boss yelled at me over something very minor. “What is that?” he angrily yelled at me, pointing at a shelf.
I tried to figure out what he was talking about but could not. “I’m not sure what you are talking about,” I respectfully said.
“That!” he angrily yelled again, pointing at a stack of paper. Finally, I realized that he was talking about a few sheets of paper that were badly misaligned on top of an otherwise neat stack! (I had earlier used that paper for a print job, and must not have put it back neatly.)
I did not resist by yelling back, and immediately apologized and straightened out the sheets of paper. But right away, I asked to speak privately with him and calmly said, "Look, I am simply not going to work for someone who yells at me. If you want me to keep working for you, I would not do that again."
He valued me as an employee and realized he had made a mistake, so he apologized, and did not do it again for months. Then it happened one more time and my response was the same but even more emphatic. He apologized again, and it never happened again.
So turning the other cheek does not preclude trying to get the offender to stop. Jesus protested after he was slapped on the cheek. And he did it after the very first slap.
Again, remember that the goal of redemptive non-resistance is to stop people from doing evil things. It is not to allow evil to run wild and unchecked.
How to Confront an Offender
Confront your brother or sister in the Lord privately.
Confront brothers and sisters privately. Sometimes, as in the above example when Jesus was publically slapped in the face by an unbeliever, it is appropriate to confront your offender publicly. In fact, in that situation Jesus had no choice but to confront the man publicly. But when it comes to a brother or sister in the Lord with whom you have a personal relationship, the confrontation should usually be done privately.
Why? For one thing, consider the Golden Rule that Jesus gave us, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Would you want someone to correct you publicly if it could be avoided?
But secondly, since a public confrontation means disgrace, a person is more likely to defend themselves and refuse to acknowledge wrongdoing if corrected in public. Once again, your goal is not to attack back but to encourage repentance.
If your brother sins against you, go and confront him privately. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. (BSB, Matthew 18:15)
This passage is talking about personal interactions between believers. If the offender is not a believer and obviously will not listen to you, depending on the situation, it may not be the best strategy to speak with that person privately first. It might be best to go straight to a person in authority, such as a boss or a teacher instead. But if that person is a believer, Jesus instructed us to try a private confrontation first. When you confront the offender, try to keep the following things in mind:
Be specific. If someone is seriously mistreating you, make a note of each offense right after it happens, when it is still fresh on your memory. Save evidence such as emails. That way you can point to specific instances in which an offense happened. This is especially important if the mistreatment is happening at work. Why? Because people often deny wrong-doing. “When did I ever do that to you?” is a common response. Since you will have recorded what happened, you can then tell your persecutor the exact time and place that the offense happened. Besides, if that person refuses to repent, you’ll need some evidence to follow the next step.
This advice should not be used in violation of I Corinthians 13:5, which tells us “Love keeps no record of wrongs.” Surely this means that we should keep no record of serious wrongs once someone has repented, for we must recall a wrong that we have recorded in memory in order to confront someone about it. However, I would also say that it means you should try to avoid thinking much about how a person has wronged you until it is time to confront them. The notes you have taken should only be used if needed, as a tool during confrontation, not as a means to keep accusing someone, to keep reflecting an how badly a person has treated you, or to keep holding sins over someone’s head. Don’t look at or even think about what’s on that list unless and until you need it.
Once your brother or sister repents, you should forgive and chose to remember their sins no more. Then you should shred and throw away those notes. The only exception to this might be in a work or legal situation, in which case you might want to hold on the list just long enough to make certain that the repentance was genuine. Then shred your notes and and throw them away.
Meet In Person. Emails, social media messaging and text messages can easily be misunderstood because you can’t hear voice intonations or see facial expressions. Phone conversations are better, but you still cannot see facial expressions. So why run the risk of misunderstandings, which are very likely to happen when there’s tension in the air? If you cannot meet in person, try Skype or some other form of video conferencing. But even video conferencing has a drawback: it’s much more difficult to refuse someone who is truly right in front of you. So meet in person if you can.
Be gentle. Rebuke someone harshly, and he or she might get defensive.
“Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.” (NIV, Galations 6:1)Sandwich the confrontation between true complements. Truthfully complement the offender for some good quality, confront concerning the sin, and then truthfully complement again. This preserves the other person’s dignity and makes it easier for them to repent. This is part of the art of gently confronting someone.
Do not condemn or label. Only state the facts and your feelings. Do not say, “You are so mean!” or something similar. Instead, say something like, “Do you remember when you did [the offense]. Do you realize how that [made me feel, affected me, etc].
Admit your own weaknesses. Be prepared for the other person to attack you back in self-defense. If he or she points out something legitimate or even somewhat legitimate, apologize for anything you have actually done wrong and ask for forgiveness. But do not let your offender off the hook. Get back to the point quickly.
If you think the other person is just making up a false accusation against you in self-defense, then unless the accusation is something serious, you could say, “I do not recall doing that, but if I did I apologize.” Your display of humility will help the other person to repent.
If the false accusation is something serious, you could say, “I wouldn’t ever want to treat you or anyone else like that! I care about you too much! Wow, if I had done that, I would definitely want to apologize. But even if I had done that, since two wrongs don’t make a right, we need to finish discussing the topic at hand first. Then we can discuss the subject you brought up if you still want to.”Forgive. If the offender truly repents, forgive them. Complete forgiveness means choosing not to remember, because the Lord said,
For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more. (NIV, Hebrews 8:12)
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (NIV, I Corinthians 13:4-7)
What a relief it is when wrongs are admitted and repented of, and forgiveness freely granted! Keep in mind that complete forgiveness means choosing not to remember.
What if Your Persecutor Will Not Repent?
Get One or Two Witnesses. If the offender refuses to admit wrongdoing or repent, get one or two witnesses to speak to that person along with you. These should be mature believers in the Lord, if possible. If the offender goes to your church and the offense is serious, you can bring along your pastor or another leader in the church. If the offending believer is a coworker, that witness should be your boss or the HR director. In such a case, a good idea (and I say this based on experience) is to follow this next step VERY quickly. Otherwise, a believer who is immature and carnal enough to mistreat you may not hesitate to circumvent you by going to the boss ahead of you to make you look bad, thus wronging you twice-over! This means you should choose the timing of the first confrontation very carefully.
But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, regard him as you would a pagan or a tax collector." (NIV, Matthew 18:16-17)
Take it to the church. If the person who has wronged you is a church-goer but refuses to listen to you or your witness(es), if the offense is serious enough you can take the problem to his or her pastor or elder. They should take it from there.
Flee Persistent Persecution. Sometimes we simply cannot stop persecution, no matter how hard we try. If the offender is a coworker and your boss does nothing to help, ask to meet again and explain that the situation is getting intolerable. If that fails you can go to HR or over the boss's head, or look for a new job. This might mean a cut in pay, but is that extra money really worth living in sheer misery? Jesus did not want us to suffer needlessly. That's why He said,
"When you are persecuted in one place, flee to another. Truly I tell you, you will not finish going through the towns of Israel before the Son of Man comes."
Many Christians have died or been imprisoned needlessly because they did not obey this command of Jesus. Though Jesus said not to resist an evil person, fleeing is not resistance. If you are in imminent danger of being arrested or thrown into prison, no home, business, possessions or profession is worth losing your life or your freedom for.
Regarding this, if you live in a place where Christians are being persecuted, it’s a good idea to have an escape plan in place ahead of time. Have extra belongings, food and convertible money set aside in advance for you and your family. Plan your escape route and where you will go in advance, if possible. If you have financial assets, it might be wise to transfer them to a place where they will be safe. Your persecution escape plan could also help you should you ever need to evacuate due to a natural disaster or war.
You can also do things to prevent disaster. For instance,. if the homes of Christians are being burned down, put in smoke detectors or better yet, move to a house of brick or stone. If people are invading churches and killing innocent people, hire security guards. If Christians are being attacked and raped, avoid traveling alone, carry mace or pepper spray, or if you are a woman, make sure that an able-bodied man is with you.
If your spouse is physically or verbally abusing you, or you believe he or she is about to harm you, you do not have to live in abuse or fear. There are domestic abuse ministries for women and even for men that can easily be found with a quick internet search. Call for one of them for counseling or advice. Though you do not have Biblical cause for divorce unless your spouse has cheated on you or leaves you for someone else, if the abuse is serious you can go someplace safe (the home of a relative, friend, or shelter) and wait and pray for signs of true repentance.
When You Cannot Escape Persecution
Enjoy the consolations of God. If you cannot escape the persecution, remember that God draws close to those who are brokenhearted. So enjoy His near presence and let Him console you:
After being unjustly thrown into jail, rather than indulging in a pity party, Paul and Silas enjoyed the nearness of God, praying and singing hymns to God. You can read the account in Acts 16:16-40.
"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:18)
After being thrown unjustly into prison, Paul and Silas enjoyed God’s nearness. They prayed and sang hymns to God. (Acts 16:16-40)
Give your cares and anxieties over to God. Let your joy come from knowing Him, not from circumstances.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (NIV, Phillipians 4:6-7)
Do not accept false guilt. Your persecutor may try to make you feel like you are the guilty one, and that his or her mistreatment of you is your fault. But what is happening reflects a heart problem in your persecutor, not you.
Dwell on good things instead of how you are being wronged. Try not to dwell on the mistreatment. Dwell on your blessings instead. What blessings? Even in the worst of situations, there can be little blessings to be thankful for. Also, think about the great rewards you will receive in heaven for being persecuted. God will make those rewards worth much more than all of your pain! Then consider the rewards you will receive for your good deeds. God will reward you even for a glass of water given in His name! Also, think about your friends and family who love you and are praying for you. Think about the blessings and joys of the past that God so graciously gave you to enjoy.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. (NIV, Phillipians 4:89)
Pray for your persecutor. Ask your friends to pray for your him or her, too. Also ask them to pray for you.
Don’t take vengeance. Do just the opposite. Go out of your way to do good things for your enemy.
Do not avenge yourselves, beloved, but leave room for God’s wrath. For it is written: “Vengeance is Mine; I will repay, says the Lord.” On the contrary, “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink. For in so doing, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." (NIV, Romans 12:19-20)
There are very good reasons for this:
It’s how you overcome evil. You do not fight evil with evil. That just breeds more evil. You fight evil with good.
It leaves room for God’s wrath. If it is needed, God can discipline someone much more effectively than you can. Leave discipline in His capable hands.
It heaps burning coals on your persecutor’s head. What in the world does that mean? Commentator Adam Clark believed this was referring to the ancient practice of refining silver. Hot coals were piled on silver in a crucible, and when the metal melted, impurities rose to the top. Then the impurities were skimmed away, or a hole in the bottom of the pot was opened, and pure silver flowed out. If Clarke was right about that, and I tend to think he was, this means that being good to your enemy painfully highlights his or her sins so that hopefully, he or she will repent. Concerning this, Samuel Wesley wrote,
So artists melt the sullen ore of lead,
By heaping coals of fire upon its head;
In the kind warmth the metal learns to glow,
And pure from dross the silver runs below.
Allow the persecution to purify you, too. Persecution turns the heat up and causes the hidden impurities that are in our own hearts to come to the surface. We have to deal with the feelings of anger, bitterness, depression and unforgiveness that rise to the surface. Don’t let those impurities stay there. Then the metal of your character will look even worse than it did before! Confess them to God and let Him forgive you and skim them all away. In that regard, your enemy is unknowingly doing you a great favor. He or she may intend it for harm, but God is using the occasion to purify you. Why?
First of all, because He has chosen you to be one of His very own treasures! Keep in mind that the most valuable treasures are made only with precious metals that are pure and refined.
Not 10K gold.
24K gold!
Not a silver alloy.
Sterling!
Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tried and chosen you in the furnace of affliction. (Amplified, Isaiah 48:10)
Secondly, because when Jesus returns, God will bestow praise, glory and honor on those whose faith stands the test. And for some reason, if you are undergoing persecution, God wants to give those wonderful things to you!
These [trials] have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. (NIV, I Peter 1:7)
So, please don’t think that the mistreatments you have endured mean that God does not love you. Quite the contrary; He dearly loves you, and has much greater things planned for you than if you did not have to endure affliction.
If you are undergoing persecution or mistreatment, you are not alone. In fact, more Christians are being persecuted now than at any time in history. These are the true heroes of our faith, especially those who have been imprisoned, tortured, or given their lives for Jesus. Their reward in heaven will be great. God is calling you to be heroic and faithful, too.
May our kind and loving Lord comfort you and fill you with His grace and peace.
Rusty Entrekin
Biblical Counselor
Rusty is the founder & owner of PeaceBrooke Biblical Counseling, LLC
Please feel free to write if you are being persecuted or mistreated and want us to pray for you and your oppressor. Write to rusty@peacebrooke.org.
[1] http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0956797617752642