"Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant in search of fine pearls. When he found one very precious pearl, he went away and sold all he had and bought it." (NIV, Matthew 13:45-46)
Recently, I read an account by a young woman who explained why she turned away from God, despite being raised by homeschooling Christian parents. As I reflected on why she fell away, I realized something that I dearly wish I had more clearly understood long ago, when my children were still young.
To that young woman, Christianity was mostly about hard work and sacrifice. Yes, that is an integral part of the Christian life, but it is not all that there is. Nor is it the most important part of it.
In the parable above that Jesus told of the Pearl of Great Price, what was it that motivated that merchant to sell all he had? It was the Pearl! As Christian parents, we can gain a very, very important insight from that. In fact, this insight may be the very thing that will prevent your children from turning away from God like that young woman did.
Get the mind of your children on the pearl. Don't just talk about the cost of following Christ with your children. Oh yes, this does need to be talked about. Do not neglect it. We must all weigh the cost of being His disciple.
But most importantly, talk about the Pearl! Talk about the long and short-term rewards of following Christ. Talk about the joy that comes from God's presence. How it is worth so much more than the fleeting pleasures of this world. Talk about how wonderful it is to have God as a friend. How God's friendship is worth more than that of any person. Talk about the Father's great love for us, and the privilege of being God's own son or daughter.
Talk about the power of prayer: that God wants to change the very course of future history in response to the requests of his children. Talk about heaven. About the streets of transparent gold, and the mansion thoughtfully prepared for each of us. About the splendorous throne of God, and especially about the amazing glory of the One who sits on it. About the immortal resurrection bodies we will receive that will never get sick or die, that will no longer tempt us, and that will no longer resist obeying God.
Talk about the wonderful peace that comes from knowing that your sins are forgiven. Talk about the wonderful grace of God that is showered on us despite our unworthiness. Talk about the great rewards that come from self-discipline. About the joy that comes from helping others. About how families that love each others are happy, but those that do not are miserable. About WHY it is better to obey God than men. Talk about WHY it is worth trading everything for Jesus. About how God's commands are not intended to deprive us, but to protect us from the tragic consequences of sin and ensure that we will live happy lives.
Get the mind of your children on the Pearl! If your child only hears, "Don't do this!" and "Do that!" and "We must give our all for Christ," but you do not also talk about the rewards, then Christianity is going to seem like a very bad bargain. Then the world is going to seem very attractive.
Why did Jesus endure the cross? Hebrews 12:22 tells us:
"For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."
Jesus himself endured the cross for the joy set before Him. God did not expect him to suffer when there was nothing to be gained from it. We can endure a lot when we know there is something worthwhile to be gained from suffering.
So don't just talk about the cost of obeying Christ with your children. Also talk about what they will gain by doing so!
And make growing up in a Christian home enjoyable. It ought to be. There should be more love and joy in our homes than those of unbelievers. Have some fun together! Don't ask your children make sacrifices everyday without hope of any reward. Remind them of how God will reward us at the Bema seat of Christ for the good deeds that we do. Praise and them for their hard work. Reward them tangibly now and then, too.
Also, get your children thinking long-term. Point out the long-term consequences of short-term sinful pleasures: venereal diseases, financial ruin, single motherhood, destroyed health, jail, etc. Help them to understand that God does not forbid premarital sex and other sins because He's a mean old ogre. It’s because he loves us and want to spare us from sorrow and heartache. Remind them of Esau, Lot's wife, and Samson, who traded away the things that were truly important for short-term pleasures.
Teach your children to weigh long term costs and benefits, just like Jesus did:
"What does it profit a man," Jesus said, "if he gains the whole world but loses his soul?"
Then you will greatly increase the odds that your children will want to trade everything they have to obtain that Pearl. In short, make sure that your children understand why following Jesus is a far, far better bargain than anything the world has to offer, and worth sacrificing everything, even one's own life for.
Rusty Entrekin
Biblical Counselor
Rusty is the founder & owner of PeaceBrooke Biblical Counseling, LLC
(Your feedback is welcome. Write to rusty@peacebrooke.org.)
My wife and I raised seven children (and yes, they were all ours). We taught them about Jesus from the time that they were toddlers. Our youngest is now a senior in high school. If you are having a tough time with one or more of your children and could use some counsel from someone who has been there, I would like to help. Click here to sign up for a counseling session.